Day 9 and beyond

Wow – just realized that I forgot to update Day’s 9 – 15 of the detoxification period.   I really don’t remember what happened during those days, but I know that I was doing very well for a bit and then I was a bit drunk one night (about a week ago) and I Falked (Facebook Stalked) Sarah.  When I say I “Falked” Sarah, I mean that I looked through our old pictures.  Of course this did not help me as all I did was reminisce about how awesome of a girlfriend she was, how great we looked together, and how much fun we had last summer.  Fortunately I did not text her (I’m sure I would have regretted that the next day because I know we are not meant to be together), but instead I texted another friend that has been my go to person in my moments of weekness.  This friend was happy to slap me back into reality and tell me that it was a mistake, but to have no regrets and get back to the process of moving on.

Anyways – the good news about this “episode” is that I was not all “sappy” about it the next day.  In fact, I felt just fine and wasn’t sad at all.

The truth is – I do miss Sarah.  I miss her from time to time.  I miss her warm embrace and her caring ways.  I miss the way she loved me.  I miss hanging out, talking, laughing etc.  I have second guessed whether or not I should reach out to her, maybe buy her a cup of coffee and just talk.  See if there is a way we can make it work.  I feel this way because I know that deep down, I did not give Sarah 100% of my heart.  I think if I had, if I had been able to let go and be 100% vulnerable, if I had tried a little harder to embrace Yoga (I could have asked her for private yoga that would have challenged me more and been more fun to me), looked at ways to find similar activities, and done a myriad of other things that one does when in love – we could have had something special.  Something really special.  Then, in the next breath I realize that maybe all of those things are the reasons for the disconnect.  Sure I could have done those things, I could have tried harder, I could have opened my heart more – but the reality is that because I could NOT do those things, it means I wasn’t ready and that my relationship with Sarah wasn’t “meant” to be.

Could it be that I’m still healing from my divorce back in 2011?

Besides – I will NEVER rule out anything with Sarah.  I know we are going to be friends.  I know that we are going to hang out.  I know that when I am 100% over her (I’m 99.5% there now) and we can hang out together that I will be friends with her friends (that are now my friends too).  I’m looking forward to that day because I miss her friends as much I miss “us”.

This process has been very enlightening to me and I look forward to the future.  Rather than dwell on all those things listed above, I have chosen to resume my physical activities and have been cycling 3 times a week (in preparation for the STP) and running 2 times per week (because I miss running).  I’m training one of my overweight friends to run and we have a goal of getting her across the line of a 5k by the end of summer…. Another of her friends has recently joined us and I am loving running with them and training them.  I am back to being very active and I am close to loving life as much as I did pre-Sarah… stay tuned in my next post for the turning point!

Written by Muskrat37

Get social with us

Leave a Reply?

XHTML: You can use these tags: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>

Help me stop spam *