Day’s 5 – 8

I definitely feel as though I’ve crested the hill and am on the downside of this breakup.  Friday was actually “hump” day for me during this process.  I was looking forward to Friday all week because I had plans to go out with friends to a karaoke bar.  I really NEEDED a night out with friends.  It was a great reminder that I have friends of my own, that I have a life of my own, that I can have fun on my own, and that I’m moving on with things. Friday ended up being a great day and I was very aware that something had happened inside me that signified a change.

Saturday was actually not as easy.  I was caught off guard a little bit at the fact I caught myself thinking about Sarah.  It probably didn’t help that I was a little hung over from the night before.  However, I kept myself from going down that rabbit hole and didn’t get overly sad.  I acknowledge my (temporary) sadness, then got off my ass and decided to get out.  My son and I ended up going for a walk.  We walked approximately 1 1/2 miles to Jersey Mikes subs and bought lunch.  We chose to sit outside on the curb and eat our sandwich in the sun.  It was a great distraction and totally brought my focus back to the fact that I am a great life, great friends, and great family.  It’s hard to be sad when you are exercising and living in the moment (something that, ironically, Sarah taught me to do).

Sunday was much better, but I still had a case of boredom.  I ended up doing a little work (to stay focused and productive).  I’ve realized that when I’m being productive, everything is ok.  I have this deep need to finish each day feeling as though I accomplished something.  It doesn’t matter if it is something like walking, going for a bike ride, or doing work for customers.  I just have to do something or I go stir crazy.  I’m not the guy to sit on the couch and watch movies all day.  I believe that is partly why this breakup has been more difficult than I ever thought it would be.  I always had something to do with Sarah.  Especially last summer.  Whether going to her house, having a BBQ, hanging out with friends, cooking together or just texting each other – I always had something to do.  Now I find myself alone (when my son is with his mother) with nothing to do and I guess I’m a bit “lonely”.  I’m learning to not be lonely though, and I feel myself getting back to the Chad before Sarah.  The Chad that actually liked his alone time.  The Chad that was scared to get into a relationship because he didn’t want to give up his alone time.  Of course, that Chad was training for an Ironman and always had something to do!  Hmmmm… more proof that I just have to do something, accomplish anything for the day.  I have to stay busy.

Anyways – Sunday my son and I ended up heading out for a drive.  We didn’t have a destination in mind, but we ended up at Big 5.  Then we came home and played a little frisbee.  Later that day – I went to Costco and did some serious shopping.  I finally bought a food saver (the vacuum seal system) that I’ve been wanting for a long time.  I also bought a new set of food storage containers because I’m sick of digging for matching lids in my mis matched collection of containers and lids.  I came home and cleaned out my old container drawer.  I’m still baffled by how it is possible to lose so many containers.  I had a bazillion lids with no matching containers.  It felt great to finally clean out that cabinet.

After that – I vacuum sealed my bulk purchased pork chops and other items… I LOVE THIS THING.

Then Kaden and I drove to Tacoma and purchased a board game I had played with my lil sis last weekend.  It’s a strategy game and was way more fun that I thought it would be when I played it with my lil sis.

Kaden and I then played a game that evening.  It took 2 1/2 hours, but we had a lot of fun together.  After that it was time to cook, and my thoughts again drifted to Sarah (It’s always first thing in the a.m. and in the evening when I’m cooking dinner since she would often come over and I would cook for her.).  Rather than let those thoughts fester into negative emotions (sadness or loneliness) – I chose to go for a walk.  I wrapped the salmon in foil and threw it in the oven and then Kaden and I headed out for a walk. We ended up walking for about 45 minutes.  It was a great walk, and I’m really starting to love walking with my son.  It’s great quality time for me and my son.  Wow – there’s another positive to come out of this relationship!  (I’m great at finding the silver linings).

All in all this breakup is rather smooth and I’m progressing very quickly.  I’m actually thinking about dating again (not looking for a serious relationship, but I would like to go on a date).  Of course, relationships always find you when you are not looking right?  (That’s exactly what happened with Sarah and I).  Although, I’m very conscious of the fact that I may be susceptible to falling for someone because I’m lonely, and for that reason, I’m not going to date until I’m comfortable being me again.

I can actually imagine the day that Sarah and I are friends.  I’m going to stick to my 15 days of Radio Silence though.  I still don’t want to see pictures of us together as we had so much fun last summer and I know seeing those pictures will bring back a rush of great memories and has the potential to derail my “getting over Sarah” progress.

8 down – 7 to go!

Written by Muskrat37

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