Namaste Sarah

The love that found me when I wasn’t looking for it has left my life. ¬†ūüôĀ

On Sunday¬†(4 days ago)¬†night I went to Sarah’s house to have a talk about the future. ¬†That talk ended with us breaking up. ¬†The good news is that it was a mutual decision. ¬†The bad news is that I miss her. ¬†She’s a GREAT woman. ¬†She was the PERFECT girlfriend. ¬†I’ve never felt more loved by anyone in my life.

I’m absolutely amazed at the process of a relationship losing it’s luster. ¬†When does it happen? ¬†What causes it? ¬†Why does it happen? ¬†It’s strange to me that only a little over a month ago we were ¬†celebrating our 1 year anniversary. ¬†We were closer than ever. ¬†We had a great day zip lining and wine tasting. ¬†Somewhere in the last 5 weeks that incredible feeling faded.

I looked at the pictures from our summer of fun and I still can’t believe that I don’t have a girlfriend anymore.

So you might be wondering – If everything was so perfect, why did we break up?

There are many factors that went into this decision – but I’ll list the main ones (and what I have figured out were the moments that made me aware of the fact that Sarah and I were not going to be together forever.)

3 weeks ago – Sarah went to Hawaii with her son. ¬†She stayed for a week with her Cousin. ¬†So we had 1 week apart. ¬†When she returned, I was going to Whistler and she had a Yoga Training all weekend. ¬†Essentially we had 2 weeks of NO time together. ¬†I’m pretty sure that created a little more distance in the crack that had started to form in our relationship.

While she was gone РI climbed to about 9,000 feet on Mt Rainier and snow camped with my friends.  That night, as I lay in my tent, I was thinking how great it would be if Sarah was with me.  Then in the next moment I thought to myself that there is no way in hell Sarah would EVER snow camp with me.

The next weekend in Whistler – I was thinking how great it would be if Sarah was with me. ¬†In the next moment I realized that if she was I would not be skiing double black diamonds, instead I’d be skiing Groomers with Sarah. ¬†It’s not that she would force me to – it’s that I would feel guilty ditching my girlfriend and leaving her alone on the mountain.

The proverbial nail in the coffin was when I thought about my plans down the road. ¬†There is a VERY good chance that I will move to France in about 4 years. ¬†I want to live in a little french villa at the base of the French Alps. ¬†I want to be a ski bum all winter and then travel around Europe all summer. ¬†Do a little backpacking, a little couch surfing, meet new friends, learn a language and just take in life. ¬†If I don’t move there – I will at the very least do an extended backpacking trip.

When I told Sarah my plans (during a conversation a couple of months ago) – her response was that there is no way she would do that with me. ¬†There is ZERO chance that she would want to. ¬†I think that the thought of leaving home and her friends to move to a far away land where she knows no one, doesn’t speak the language, wouldn’t have a job etc…is a terrifying thought to her. ¬†Those things are thrilling to me! ¬†We actually almost broke up at the time of this original conversation a couple months ago but we didn’t. ¬†Partly because of one of the things that Sarah has taught me…. to live in the moment. ¬†I really focused on that and the next 2 months were pretty amazing. ¬†I felt very close to her.

However – the last few weeks I’ve had these moments of clarity where I realized that Sarah would not participate in some of my favorite activities (and I wouldn’t participate in her Yoga Retreats and other things that just don’t interest me.) ¬†Even though I believe 2 people don’t need (and should not have) everything in common – I think it’s important that they have their most favorite things in common. ¬†In this case – we didn’t.

I do believe we could have survived the other things (Snow Camping, Skiing, Cycling) as we had enough common ground that I could have made plans to do those, but also made plans to do things with Sarah.  I personally could not see us surviving me moving to the other side of the planet.  I either want to go into that with a partner that will be excited to join me Рor I want to go single.

I am sad but in the long run I know there is someone amazing waiting for both of us. ¬†I’m just sad that we weren’t for each other because Sarah is an amazing woman.

Namaste Sarah (the love, the light in me, sees the love, the light in you!)

Written by Muskrat37

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